2018 wasn’t really a good year for me, to say the least, it didn’t start well and it certainly didn’t end well either.
It started with a major ME setback in January and ended with I had to put my beloved cat Daisy to sleep two days before my birthday and a few days before Christmas.
That’s the short story. People who know me well, know there’s a lot more to it, but I can’t and won’t go into details. It’s too painful. I can give you the 4 major headlines; health problems, pain, loneliness and loss. Very vague, I know, but let’s put it this way, it wasn’t a good year, I’ll even be so frank and say it was absolutely shite!
Of course, there were some positive things too in 2018, thank God for that, otherwise I’m not sure where I would be right now. Mostly I can thank my friends from far far away – who all live on planet Internet – for that. They made it all worth while, they still do.
Also, my UK holiday in May, I got to meet up with two of my best friends, I got to go to the Hay Festival again (and see BC perform again, BIG BONUS!!) and I got to spend a few days in London too. Sadly I was in the most horrible pain all the time, so that took away some of the fun. But my friends were ace, I can’t thank them enough for that.
Now we’re a few days into 2019, and I must admit, I haven’t had the best start to this year, mostly because of health problems (physically and mentally) and because I miss my cat terribly. I’m still struggling with the major ME setback I had almost a year ago, and mentally things are just bad and have been since November, so right now I’m not in a particularly good place.
I don’t have any New Year’s solutions. To be absolutely honest, I’m not a fan of them, mostly because I used them in the past to punish myself. I already tend to punish myself enough as it is, no need to add more to the list.
That said, it doesn’t mean I don’t understand people who make them and if they work, then it’s brilliant. They just don’t work for me.
Instead, I’m trying not to focus too much on what might or might not happen this year, because it all seems all too overwhelming. Just before New Year’s eve I was petrified of what 2019 might have in store for me, so to minimise that anxiety, I decided to take one day at a time or if I’m up for it, a week at a time. Just like I do with my ME and mental state – when I’m able to do it, that is.
I’m also trying not to focus on I have a totally empty calendar when it comes to trips, meet ups and fun times and all plans plotted in so far are physio treatments, GP appointments and a dentist appointment.
Hopefully there will be some fun times too, I mean, hopefully there’s some positive suprises in store for me in 2019, I’d really like that. Perhaps there will be a new cat in my life by the end of this year. That’s at least what I’ve decided to hope for and believe in.
In the end, I’m just trying to do what I always try to do, take one day at a time (or one hour, if things are really bad), get something proper to eat every day, be kind to myself and try my best to be a good friend.
That in my book are not New Year’s resolutions, it’s same procedure as last year and the years before. No unnessescary pressure and that is OK.